Ray John 2016: Let’s Groove
By Sonny Forrest
Amid the government shutdown, voters across America are irritated. The people we’ve elected to represent us are sitting with their backs to each other, hiding behind their tired ideologies. Our representatives are petty children too bent on ruining each other’s birthday parties to act as if they care about regular Americans. This ratship is run by millionaires.
They’ve ignored our constituency, the Ragers, for far too long. For the past decade, we’ve descended on music festivals in droves, unleashing our primal rage to delicious music. Our numbers have grown exponentially, positioning us as a formidable voting block. But to the ineffective clowns our elders have elected, we’re nothing more than fuck-offs. These wrinkles with mouths are underestimating the power our community derives from partying. We’ve come together as like-minded individuals for a common cause: to Rage On. We continue to grow even though our political leaders (and cable news networks) insist on dividing our country into “Us” and “Them.” They’re ignoring the irreversible direction this country is moving in, eschewing our sizable constituency and courting greying gasbags whose minds have already been bleached with the same tired ideological rhetoric, no matter the side.
We won’t go unrepresented. We go forth each weekend and raise our voices in unison, proclaiming the ultimate Good Time. In honor of the 2016 General Election, let’s cement our unity by voting in Ray John as the next President of the United States. Writing in “Ray John” on your general election ballot is the kick in the ass this country needs when endless political vitriol is spewed from both sides. Don’t listen to the detractors. Don’t pretend that the millionaires in D.C. care about you. You’re not delusional. You’re a Rager precisely because you Ray John daily. With enough write-in votes, we can disrupt the status quo and secure our place in elementary school textbooks for generations after us. We may even make it on the news.
Don’t shy away from this opportunity to reclaim America. Vote Ray John 2016.